So, I almost get thrown out of this wedding….

Sunday, July 15th 2007.

I was invited to a wedding out of town by one of my coworkers who I have been seeing. This girl is GORGEOUS! She is tall, thin, black and has one of the most amazing bodies of anyone I have ever dated. She has a fun, playful personality and at 25, she is still a virgin for religious reasons.

She knows I have a history and before we started dating, told me that she planned on remaining pure. I have a lot of respect for her and told her that I would honor her wishes. And I plan to. But I don’t mind pushing her boundaries some in the process…. Before me, she has only sort of dated one guy and never let it get more physical than just kissing.

So Saturday night, we go to the wedding. Well, actually, it’s a reception as the couple is already married but it is a mock wedding of sort – there is an aisle, there are bridesmaids and the “bride” is in a wedding dress.

It was cool though because they had drinks and snacks set up before the ceremonies started with a dinner served after. A fun, casual event.

We arrive and I head directly for the drink line while my girl makes the rounds visiting all of her friends. There are two cuties in line in front of me so every time my girl wanders off, I open them up. I had planned on getting a dirty, vodka martini but the two girls talked me into putting a little Captain in me. Captain Morgan’s and Diet Coke it is. I ask the bartender to make it strong and quickly down that one and grab another.

My girl and I go in and find our seats. In the center of the room, there is this dais for the Bride and Groom to sit – kind of like on a throne. To the right, there is a podium. My girl and I are sitting at the main table with all of the bride’s maids which happens to be right in front of the speaker podium. Since we are the last to arrive at the table, we get the seats with our backs to the podium putting me directly in front of it guaranteeing that anyone watching any of the speakers and toast givers will be staring at my smiling mug.

My girl isn’t much of a drinker so I help her with her drinks. Then the wedding party comes in and does their thing. The bride looks beautiful and there are some cuties in the bride’s maid party. I make a mental note to go talk to a couple of cuties I see once the ceremony is over.

Did I mention this is a Muslim wedding? I am very much a “live and let live” kind of guy but being Christian, this is the first time I have ever been to a non-Christian wedding. I am looking forward to it.

A couple of people get up and speak of love and future happiness and all of that typical wedding crap. Then this stern looking, older gentlemen comes to the podium and announces he is the bride’s father. He then says we are going to pray by him reading some words from the Quran about men and women’s roles in marriage.

He first starts off in Arabic and talks for a good 5 minutes. He then translates in English and sets the stage of the name and history of the prophet that spoke these words he is about to repeat to us. The mood has gone from fun and festive to serious and reverent.

He goes into the words – always first in Arabic followed by English. He starts off with traditional stuff for the woman – she must always obey, be faithful, etc. Then he tells that the man must always take care of the woman – clothe her when he clothes himself, feed her when he feeds himself. A little traditional but nothing out of the ordinary so far.

The he drops the kicker. He says that the man must never beat the women in the face or anywhere else that can be seen in public. I LOSE IT. I bust out laughing, spit water through my nose which is then followed by uncontrollable giggles. EVERYONE in the room can see and hear me do this.

Now, I need to caveat. I have the utmost respect for Muslims and their holy word. In fact, I honestly think that Jews, Christians and Muslims all worship the same, benevolent God – just in our own, distinct ways based on human influence and tradition baked into our cultures over the thousands of years. However, talking about beating women in front of a large audience at a festive wedding is some funny shit. I am going to blame my laughing on the Captain and Coke.

I start pinching myself and literally biting my tongue to get myself to quit laughing as the dude keeps preaching. My date is also pinching and kicking me to get me to stop. I finally get myself sort of calmed down when the preacher guy drops another bomb.

He says that if the husband summons his wife to his bed and she refuses him, she will be cursed by angels the rest of the night. This puts me over the edge. I can just picture some heavenly angel throwing hexes at a wife for refusing to give it up one night because she has a headache. I am now laughing so hard that I am holding my stomach and have tears streaming down my face. People around me are now starting to laugh. Very nervous laughter. More so like laughing at when someone falls down and hurts themselves than because they find it funny too.

The guy keeps preaching and I keep laughing. This goes on for about 15 minutes. Several times I consider getting up and leaving the room but don’t know if I can muster the strength to walk because I am laughing and crying so hard. I barely remain in my seat. In hindsight, I should have just fell to the floor and rolled under the table.

Finally, some gentlemen comes up and interrupts the preacher and tells him mercifully to stop. It turns out this guy is the bride’s real father and the guy preaching is some religious leader in their community. The real father then makes an announcement – “We are gathered here to be festive and have fun, so lets party!” This is followed by immediate, passionate applause and the dance music starts.

The bride and groom make an instant v-line to our table and head right towards me. The bride is visibly upset. I start packing up our stuff thinking they are going to ask me to leave and I apologize to the table for interrupting their night. The bride and groom both introduce themselves to me and give my date a hug as they know her. They then mention that they are very upset at the guy because he was just supposed to deliver a short prayer instead of going into a 30 minute dissertation on women’s inequality. The bride’s Dad finally got upset and cut him off. Whew, I escaped that one.

The whole situation gave my girl and I a running joke. Every time she “acted up”, I would raise my fists and threaten to beat her. She would follow with “Not in the face, please not in the face” Hilarious! I also threaten to convert religions to better keep her in check.

My date and I leave the wedding reception, call up her friends and head out to a club to party. I also text SecondChance to come join us. We arrive at the club and the girls are in the mood to dance. I decide I don’t have near enough of a buzz so I keep going to the bar for a shot and a beer each visit.

I am dancing and making out with my date the whole night with periodic excursions to the bathroom. On each of the trips, I would open up or flirt with any cute girl I passed. I thought my girl was one of the hottest in the club so I didn’t have much passion behind the approaches. Nothing progressed much with any of these “walk bys” but it was good practice opening girls.

One cute girl I “cheers” her drink with mine while I walked by which earned a big smile and made her whole face lit up. However, I didn't stop and talk to her as my girl had just text me wondering where I was so I hurried back before I got into trouble as I had obviously been gone too long.

I opened a few other girls and had one funny interaction. This cute girl was limping over to a chair. Just as she was sitting and taking off her shoe, I said “I saw you limping, everything OK sweetie?” She tells me to “Fuck off!” Someone was having a bad day…. Too funny! I walked off chuckling to myself.

During this time, I was also texting a couple of other of my girls. One decided to have a dirty text competition with me. She won with “When I see you I am going to like and suck your dick with my wet, warm tongue until you cum on my tits.”

Another girl text me “Just had 2 martinis. I need you to take pic of yourself and send it over. I need arousal.”

I recently had a big payday which was more than half of what I made in a year when I was in the military. So I was feeling generous and decided to buy the group shots. They didn’t have my usual Tuaca so I went for tequila and asked for Patron. Unfortunately, they had obviously swapped the good stuff with some rot gut shit. Everyone who took a shot almost threw up because the shot was so horrible. I have half a mind to call the Alcohol Bureau on them and plan to back the charge off my credit card. Needless to say, this ended the night.

My girl and I go home and start going at it. I quickly got her clothes off and went down town. She is very blessed in that she comes quickly and violently. After she finished once, I gave her a break and repeated. She then decided to return the favor. As she is very inexperienced, she asks for directions. I love being a teacher. This is just the 3rd time she has gone down on me and it was the best by far. For some reason, although it felt, awesome, I lasted forever. It was a very long, toe curling blow job. In fact, one of the best ever. And for the first time, we left on the light. After I got done shooting my load on her ample breasts, she got her first real look at sperm. She played with it like it was Play-Do.

We slept in and when I checked my email later, I got my official invite to the Grow Your Game Summer of Love competition. Since improving my dating life and eventually getting married and starting a family is my biggest goal right now, I am going to use this competition to launch my skills to the next level. This is just the kick in the butt that I need.

My girl drops me off at the airport with a big hug and some making out. I get through security and decide that this is my only opportunity to game today as I am on a late flight and doubt I will go out when I get back to Dallas. I look around and there is only one girl that catches my interest. She is in one of the shops so I walk over and open her with one of the titles on the tabloid magazines she is looking through. She laughs and we start talking until I notice her wedding ring. At an appropriate moment, I end the conversation and head back over to the gate. I start dialing the numbers in the phone until it is time to board.

So, my first day of the competition, I teach a virgin how to give an explosive blow job, dirty text a couple of girls, lamely open some girls in a bar and start talking to a married chick in the airport. Not a bad start…..