What not to do....

My wing and I went to big, sponsored happy hour. We had invited several of our friends to come along but it was in a remote location so we didn’t think many would attend.

The happy hour was about what we expected – an average turnout with the only hot girls being the people we invited. Still, we have fun wherever we go so we turned it into a good time.

One of the girls I had invited had brought two of her friends. Both were really cute – cuter than my friend actually. I was busy flirting with them while also mingling with everyone else.

As it turns out, most of the guys at the happy hour were tools. After the happy hour, the 3 girls invited me out to dinner with them. They were telling me some of the ways the other guys were hitting on them.

Some things not to do:

- One guy walked up to the hottest girl of the group and said “you have nice toe cleavage”. He instantly went into the “creepy guy” list which later sparked a long conversation at dinner about toe fetishes.

- One guy confidently introduced himself and the girl was initially interested in him. Then he proceeded to talk politics with her for the next 20 minutes until she was bored to tears. She eventually told him she had to get back to her boyfriend and came over and gave me a hug to lose him.

- Three different guys bragged about the companies they owned or gave other obvious indicators of how much money they had. It was obvious that all 3 of these girls were professionals and didn’t need sugga daddies. One girl commented, “if he had all of this money, why couldn’t he afford to get his shoes shined?”

- One girl was texting on her phone when a guy walking by complimented her on it and then asked to see it. She handed him her phone and he ran around the corner with it. He then returned it and said that he had tricked her and walked off. As it turns out, he had called his own phone from hers and then programmed his name in her phone. She changed his name to “small penis loser” so she knew who it was if he called. She said she wouldn’t talk to any guy not man enough to directly ask for her number.

- One of the girls has “huge tracks of land” to quote Monty Python and was wearing a shirt that showed them off. Unfortunately for the guys, several guys got caught in the boobie trap and stared at her breasts instead of her eyes. I asked her why she would show them off if she doesn’t want guys to look. She said that she knows guys will look but when they carry a conversation with her, if they are not holding eye contact, they are eliminated.

- I was being social and introduced one of the girls to one of the guys I sort of knew at the happy hour and then proceeded to be horrified. Not knowing if I was “with” this girl or not, the guy immediately launched into “Hey, you look sassy. I love sassy girls. Do you have a boyfriend? Because I don’t have a girlfriend. You can be my next girlfriend. Would you like that? What is your number?” This all happened in about 30 seconds. She stood there stunned for a bit and then said politely, “I am sorry, I have a boyfriend.” He said “oh” and walked off without saying goodbye or anything.

In contrast, I was flirting with all three of them too and not only did they invite me out to dinner with them, all three individually came onto me. Admittedly, I had one key advantage over the other guys because I wasn’t some “random” guy. But that only ensured I wouldn’t be immediately eliminated, not that I would actually have any success with them

The key thing I did differently was that I was a brat. A playful, confident, brat.

- I stole their drinks out of their hands and chugged them.

- I grabbed one girl’s purse when she left it on the bar and with exaggerated expressions, started looking through it which earned me a punch on the shoulder
- One of the girls was talking about a rash she got from a bracelet she had just bought. I teased her relentlessly about the rash.
- “Rashes are such turn ons” said very sarcastically
- Would ask the other girls if they had rashes too any time they commented about
anything to do with themselves.
- “Yeah, I always let everyone know about my skin diseases in social settings. Can I get
another appetizer?”
- Would wipe my hand or arm on her shirt with a disgusted look on her face every time
she bumped into me
- Would introduce her as “Hey this is CUTIE, she has a rash”

- Would bump into, lightly push and hip check the girls

- Rested my arm on their shoulders with a “Whew, what a long day” and a shit eating grin

- Any time they made a smart ass comment, would tell them we were broken up and either demand my CDs back or tell them that I was keeping the cat.

- Challenge them to go outside for a fight behind the dumpster

- Made funny faces at them when they were getting hit on by guys

After an hour and change, they decided they were leaving. I was deep in conversation with another guest I had invited when two of the girls came up, grabbed each arm and dragged me away saying I was coming with them to dinner. I broke free, made the rounds saying goodbye to everyone and joined them.

At dinner, we sat at a four top table so I had two girls across from me and one to my right. I kept up the flirting with all three of them. The one I was sitting next to kept rubbing touching my leg under the table with her hand as she talked to me and during one conversation about sex, she turned and softly told me in my ear that she LOVES to give blow jobs.

The one across from me would kick me under the table from time to time when I wasn’t giving her enough attention and after dinner, told me we should hang out again and gave me her phone number. This is in spite of the fact that I know she has a boyfriend (which she never mentioned the entire time).

They all invited me to continue partying with them later that night but I declined as I had a date (although I didn’t tell them that). And they invited me out with them Saturday night which I declined because I was going out of town. And they invited me to a 4th of July party at one of their houses.

Happy hour was a success!