We have a winner!

Here are three other versions of the story:

Fidelio - http://firesidewithfidelio.blogspot.com/2007/06/why-sinn-likes-cabs-my-perspective.html

Capt Jack - http://captainjackpua.blogspot.com/

Sinn - http://sinnsofattraction.blogspot.com/2007/06/20-drinks-last-night-death-this-morning.html

Wednesday night I went to a church class. This is my second time going as I really enjoyed the first class. Last week, I went with my previous one-it-is and we sat at a table full of 7 HOT, have it together women. There were two I was especially flirting with and I was looking forward to another great class and seeing these two again.

Class was good but not quite as good as the previous week. It wasn't as well attended and the message was a lot about submission and sex before marriage. I have a lot of thoughts about religion, sex before marriage and women's roles in society that I will post about when I get a chance. Although I feel I have a strong relationship with the Almighty, my beliefs differ somewhat from what the majority of mainstream churches preach. But I digress...

While class was going on, the two women I was looking forward to seeing again walked in late and sat in the back corner. I made a mental note to go talk to them during break.

During the break, I was busy chatting with my table and looking for an opportunity to excuse myself and go mingle. Out of the corner of my eye, I see both of the hotties I wanted to talk to coming my way. One stayed in the background while the hotter of the two opened me and we started talking. She said she actually wants to interview me for something I am involved in. I give her a card and we talk about getting together. The night is off to a GREAT start!

I leave them and wander around introducing myself to several other tables. I like to take every opportunity I can to meet have-it-together, like minded people. It is always good to grow your network. And several of the girls were cuties too.....

Later I go to eat sushi with Fidelio. The sushi place has an active bar which is packed but Fidelio and I were more into catching up than mingling at the bar. Fidelio does get opened by a cutie while we are ordering our drinks before sitting down.

We leave the sushi bar and dance around to a couple of other normally happening places but they are all dead for some reason. All the while, Capt Jack and Sinn are texting Fidelio to come to Xbar where they are at.

We decide to bounce and roll out in my mini-van.

We walk into the joint and I wasn't there five minutes before I get number closed by this bitch with skunk striped hair. I KNOW I will be pounding that ass at some future date.....

Fidelio and I get a round of drinks with Capt Jack and Sinn. Sinn announces that he is in a virtual drinking competition with Savoy who has quit responding to texts after 11 drinks. I think Sinn is at either 14 or 15 at this point.

We announce a winner to much applause and hoopla but Sinn wants to keep going. My body turns alcohol into riboflavin and my liver likes an octane stronger than the gasoline my car drinks so I suggest Tuaca shots. Duh duh duhhhhhhhh. I think most of my crazy stories could start off with "so I was doing shots of Tuaca and...."

A few more drinks and Sinn is really wound up. He throws down a challenge to Fidelio to open a set and makes it interesting with a $20 bill. Fidelio is alpha so he ponders if he wants to lower his value by playing Sinn's silly game.

Me, being the fool for money that I am, try to take Sinn's offer. But in Sinn's drunken state, he misunderstands and thinks that I am throwing in a $20 too. I like to watch my friends embarrass themselves so I add a $20 to the mix.

While Fidelio is picking out his potential targets, I point out some hogs (no other polite way to describe them) that are standing behind Sinn and joke that he should go open them. Always the type to play along, Sinn jumps into the mix by grabbing two of the girls asses and saying "I would like to fuck you up the ass". They ate it up like it was chocolate cake.

While Sinn is enjoying his fleshy harem, I open a seated, skinny two set by walking into the middle of them and saying "Get out of my way, I am trying to order shots." The girl to my right said she would move if I ordered her one too. I told her I would get her one if she gave me a kiss. She did so I did. I am sure she fully expected me to buy shots for her and her friend but I just bought one for her although I thought her friend on the left was more attractive.

They get kind of pissed at this manuever of mine which is what I wanted. Always spike emotion in a set if you get a chance.... Plus I wanted to let them know I wasn't trying to buy their attention.

I start talking to them and discover they have had a lot to drink. I make a joke to the one on the left that I didn't know she was bilingual when I first approached. She said that she wasn't. I said, sure you are...."English and whatever you are slurring right now". This earned me the patented "look of death" and a punch on the shoulder. Both of the girls then started bragging about how many DUI's they have had between the two of them. Do I know how to pick 'em or what?!?!

I was thirsty by this time and told them they should buy me a beer since I bought the shot. They gave me a hard time so I told them that if they buy me a beer, I will buy their next round. They agree and order me a beer. As they were ordering, I told them to get one for my buddy too and wave Fidelio over.

We just get into conversation with them when Fidelio says that Sinn just got thrown out. I look over to see cops escorting him out of the joint. I didn't see any major comotion so I go outside to make sure Sinn is OK and to find out what happened. As Fidelio gets the keys from Capt Jack, I chat up the manager who tells me that the girls were upset with Sinn for saying that he wanted to "fuck their asses". The manager was apologetic and said that normally he wouldn't have done anything but these girls were regulars. We get Sinn in a taxi and head back into the bar.

Fidelio and I conjecture that the hogs must have been offended when Sinn yanked his money off the table because Fidelio kept calling him a "hippy fag" instead of opening. The fatties must have thought Sinn approached them on a bet and ratted on him because when he first approached, they were all into him.

The girls Fidelio and I were talking to were trying to make us jealous by flirting with some losers. We knock the guys out of set a couple of times but neither of the chicas was worth much of our energy so we leave them to fend off the pawing advances of guys who have as much going for them as Scott Peterson.

We go find Capt Jack who is making out with some hottie while her boyfriend paces back and forth 10 feet away. How he pulled this off I will never know.

The bar closes and we hop in my hooptie and head to the Pirate Pad (tm) to drop Capt Jack off. After 10 minutes of pounding on the door until our knuckles are raw, Sinn stumbles to the door and lets us in. He then staggers his way back to the infamous Pirate Pad (tm) couch and passes out.

The three of us are enjoying rehashing the night's activities when Sinn sits up and hurls partially digested appetizers all over the floor, the coffee table, the couch and himself ala Exorcist.

Instead of being good buddies and helping him out or getting a trash can or something, we proceed to make fun of him and take pictures. Because that is what friends are for.

The stench of stomach bile is permeating the air so Fidelio and I head out leaving Capt Jack to babysit.

The next morning, I email the boys "We have a winner! Savoy will be so put out that he lost the virtual drinking competition." along with the pictures of Sinn laying in his own vomit.

Sinn responds back "Yeah. It was still worth it."

I then text Capt Jack "R.I.P. Pirate Pad couch" because there was no way a sane individual would ever sit on that thing again. With all of the naked ass, spilt seed and puke that have been on that couch, it carries more DNA than a CSI crime lab.

Capt Jack texts back ""Dude, a little febreze and it's good as new."