I was a bad, bad boy

This post was originally posted on the boards on Sept 3rd

I drive back from Austin last night after working my ass off for the last two weeks. I am sore and tired and decide that I need a couple of beers and some time in my hot tub to relax.

As I walk into the pool area around 11pm, there is a group of 5 guys and two girls at a table about 10 feet from the hot tub. The guys are playing poker and the women are watching them. They have a TV set up and a cooler full of beer and it is obvious that they are pretty drunk.

There is this large, AMOG (alpha male of the group) at the table and as he sees me, he says "whoa, it looks like a vampire joined us ladies and gentlemen" (I am very, very pale). They all look and chuckle. I am too tired to deal with this shit so I think about leaving but decide I am not going to be run out of the hot tub at my own apartment complex.

I ignore his comment and then he says "hey, someone get me my sunglasses." Again, they all laugh and I ignore his comment. He then says, "hey, nice shirt dude" really sarcastically. (I am wearing a t-shirt that I got off of tshirthell.com that says 'I am the one you have to blow to get a drink around here').

I decide that this is it and say back "Hey, you need a drink?" to play off the slogan on my shirt. The girls bust up laughing and the AMOG looks all pissed off at me.

I get into the tub and start enjoying my beer. The hot tub sucks because it has a timer button that you have to push every 5 minutes to start the tub and you have to get out of the tub to reach it. As I keep getting out, he keeps making comments I can't hear and the table giggles.

Finally, he says loudly that he needs some new money at the table and yells at me to join them at poker. I am just trying to chill and decline. He makes a comment about how I am chicken and must be too broke to lose any money to him. I feel like I am back in high school....the insults keep coming and the group keeps chuckling.

Finally, I yell back at them - "hey, I am just trying to chill here. If I wanted to be treated like shit, I would ask to be your girlfriend." He yells back at me that he is just trying to keep me company since I seem lonely sitting there by myself. I tell him that if he is really concerned, he should invite his women to come join me.

He shuts up but one of the girls gets up to get into the tub with me. She has a 9 face but is wearing bagging sweatpants and a large tshirt so I can't tell about her body. She strips down and is wearing a bikini underneath. She has huge tits but also large hips - about a 7 or 8 overall.

She climbs into the tub and I offer her a beer. We make small talk and she apologizes to me for the guy's behavior. She says this guy is her boyfriend but that he gets beligerent when he drinks. She says they have been having problems in their relationship for a while now because of it.

I keep getting out of the tub to hit the button and eventually tell her it is her turn. She tells me that "that isn't very gentlemenly of you." I tell her I just want her to get out so I can check her out in her bikini - the cocky and funny comments start. I offer Rock-Paper-Scissors for who has to get out and this goes on a few times. I keep up the teasing and she starts giving me signs of interest.

Loud mouth must need some attention because he starts yelling over at us again. He says things like "how do you like looking at my bitch in a bikini?" and "you want my bitch - she is better than anything you could get."

The girl yells back at him to knock it off and then he says "hey, you want my bitch, she is all yours." About this time, the water stops again. I get out and hit the button and when I get back into the water, she puts her hand on my leg. I look over at her and she smiles at me. I put my hand on her leg and then she slides her hand into my trunks. I slide her bikini bottom to the side and move my hands down. She is giving me a hand job and I am rubbing her when the water stops again.

I tell her that she has to go this time because Lil Twitch and I am in no condition to get out. She hits the button and comes back and we pick up where we left off. Normally, I would never mess around with somebody's girlfriend but this guy has it coming and she started it so I don't feel too bad about it. We keep going for a while and she keeps hitting the button for us.

Eventually, the guys gets suspicious - probably because we quit talking - and starts walking over to the tub. Unfortunately for me but fortunately for anyone getting into hot tub after me, I didn't get to finish. The group decides it is time to leave and the girl gets out of the tub and they start packing up. I decide to leave too.

As I am walking by the guy, I tell him thanks for his girl's company. I never even knew her name.....