Twitchy's Pleasurable Pursuits

The Chemistry of Attachment

2010-05-14T23:49:00.002-05:00

Yup, I forgot to include the link...and I deleted it so I can't post it. The great news is that although I haven't been posting my original thoughts lately, I have been actively working on a book. This is not some typical PUA related book that demands money to join some website program. This is a book to help you become the confident person you have always dreamed of being who has opportunities coming to them vs. chasing them. More details to follow...

Types of text message abusers

2010-05-02T16:23:00.001-05:00

http://gawker.com/5525675/the-nine-types-of-text-messaging-monsters

The power of the pill

2010-04-28T22:24:00.001-05:00

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1983712,00.html?xid=newsletter-weekly

Vacuuming gives an insight into a person's sexual prowess!

2010-04-22T01:59:00.001-05:00

http://feeds.bignewsnetwork.com/?sid=621111

Smarter women drink more?

2010-04-08T01:10:00.001-05:00

http://www.asylum.com/2010/04/05/london-school--of-economics-smart-women-are-bigger-drinkers/

Japan's spouse hunters hone skills at marriage school

2010-03-14T13:18:00.001-05:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20100311/od_nm/us_japan_spouse_school

Women on the pill may live longer

2010-03-14T13:17:00.000-05:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100312/ap_on_he_me/eu_med_the_pill_longevity

Can't argue with the Sun

2010-03-12T02:07:00.000-06:00

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2801093/Sex-twice-a-week-slashes-a-fellas-risk-of-a-heart-attack.html

Do Women Want More Sex Than You Think?

2010-03-03T01:42:00.000-06:00

http://www.thundercatseductionlair.com/2010/03/02/do-women-want-more-sex-than-you-think/

A new poll out there shows that women might want more sex than previously believed. The results of the poll were:

Men
32% every day
29% three times a week
18% three times a day
9% every time you sleep with your significant other
7% twice a week
3% once a week
1% once a month
1% twice a month

Women
27% three times a week
25% every day
13% every time you sleep with your significant other
10% twice a week
9% three times a day
8% once a week
5% once a month
3% twice a month

Darkness Begets Dishonesty, Study Finds

2010-03-03T01:18:00.001-06:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20100301/sc_livescience/darknessbegetsdishonestystudyfinds

Marriages last longer than living together

2010-03-03T01:14:00.001-06:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20100302/od_nm/us_marriage_usa

Many men refuse condoms because of poor fit: study

2010-02-16T22:06:00.000-06:00

http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/health/2010/02/16/2010-02-16_many_men_refuse_condoms_because_of_poor_fit_study.html

How NOT to handle Facebook friend requests

2010-02-11T15:08:00.000-06:00

http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-a-teachable-facebook-moment-for-dudes/

Typo or copy and paste error?

2010-01-28T19:42:00.002-06:00

Seems that Major Garrett is readying himself for some fun in Vegas....

http://snafu-ed.blogspot.com/2010/01/major-garrett-tweets-ad-for-escort-site.html

Gonna get me some pork BBQ!

2010-01-28T19:41:00.001-06:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20100128/od_nm/us_argentina_pork

Survey: 60% of students would star in sex films to pay off debts

2010-01-12T01:54:00.000-06:00

http://www.topix.net/news/weird/2010/01/survey-60-of-students-would-star-in-sex-films-to-pay-off-debts

Snowed-In Brits boost adultery website

2010-01-06T22:32:00.000-06:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20100106/od_nm/us_weather_adultery

10 reasons why dating an older man is awesome

2010-01-05T20:36:00.001-06:00

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/12/31/tf.dating.older.man.awesome/index.html?iref=allsearch

Effects of Infidelity on Men vs. Women Surprise Researchers

2010-01-02T13:55:00.001-06:00

http://www.livescience.com/culture/090430-infidelity-guilt.html

9 Things We Learned About Us in 2009

2010-01-02T13:51:00.001-06:00

http://www.livescience.com/culture/091223-top-9-2009-about-us.html

Condoms 'too big' for Indian men

2009-12-30T23:50:00.001-06:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/6161691.stm

Loneliness is contagious?

2009-12-06T21:20:00.000-06:00

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/12/04/loneliness.social.network/index.html

Interesting way to overcome objections

2009-12-06T14:49:00.001-06:00

Seriously Tiger?

2009-12-06T14:43:00.001-06:00

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b156257_cheat_sheet_tiger_woods_alleged_lady.html?utm_source=eonline&utm_medium=rssfeeds&utm_campaign=rss_topstories

"Sexting"

2009-12-06T14:42:00.000-06:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091203/ap_on_go_ot/us_sexting_poll

Don't be a jerk during your next fight

2009-11-24T20:48:00.001-06:00

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/11/17/o.jerk.when.fighting/index.html

Women should show 40%

2009-11-24T20:47:00.000-06:00

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/6586031/Women-should-bare-40-per-cent-of-their-bodies-to-attract-men.html

Meet the geeky Brit guy who has bedded 500 women!

2009-11-11T19:55:00.001-06:00

Article on Adam Lyons

http://feeds.bignewsnetwork.com/?sid=559322

Great advice!

2009-11-11T19:53:00.001-06:00

"That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won't screw you, don't do it for them."

Saw this on www.twitter.com/shitmydadsays

Hilarious twitter page!

Got what he deserved.....

2009-11-10T23:35:00.001-06:00

http://blogs.app.com/saywhat/2009/11/09/woman-claims-she-stole-boyfriends-21000-to-get-him-to-break-up/

Is Monogamy realistic?

2009-11-10T23:34:00.001-06:00

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/10/28/monogamy.realistic.today/index.html

They take away all of my favorite things...

2009-11-10T23:33:00.001-06:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20091027/ts_nm/us_who_health_risks_1

Study: Why Nondrinkers May Be More Depressed

2009-10-23T00:25:00.001-05:00

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1928187,00.html?xid=newsletter-weekly

Tell me on the doll where you liked to be touched...

2009-10-11T23:35:00.000-05:00

http://blog.doloreslabs.com/2008/08/fleshmap-crowdsourcing-sex/

Birth control pill could put women off macho men?

2009-10-09T00:12:00.001-05:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20091008/od_nm/us_pill_1

Great article!

2009-10-07T02:11:00.000-05:00

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/10/05/tf.loves.pet.peeves/index.html

Why humans have sex

2009-09-30T01:18:00.000-05:00

http://homepage.psy.utexas.edu/Homepage/Group/BussLAB/pdffiles/why%20humans%20have%20sex%202007.pdf

Why women have sex

2009-09-30T01:14:00.001-05:00

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/sep/28/sex-women-relationships-tanya-gold

Women drink before sex

2009-09-28T00:54:00.004-05:00

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/6220912/Women-drink-before-sex-because-they-lack-the-confidence-to-do-it-sober.html

Unfaithful women

2009-09-28T00:54:00.003-05:00

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1211104/Think-men-unfaithful-sex-A-study-shows-WOMEN-biggest-cheats--theyre-just-better-lying-it.html

Indirect sex

2009-09-28T00:54:00.001-05:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20090923/lf_afp/lifestylebritainhealthsex_20090923111531

Interesting reading on perception

2009-09-07T00:29:00.000-05:00

http://feeds.bignewsnetwork.com/?sid=538456

All about the attitude

2009-08-11T21:35:00.001-05:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8193180.stm

For better or worse

2009-08-10T23:37:00.001-05:00

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1914321,00.html?xid=newsletter-weekly

If only this guy sought dating help.....

2009-08-09T01:59:00.001-05:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090805/ap_on_re_us/us_health_club_shooting_41

Psychologists repudiate gay-to-straight therapy

2009-08-05T23:44:00.001-05:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090806/ap_on_re_us/us_psychologists_gays_12

Now I have a good excuse!!!

2009-08-05T23:42:00.003-05:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090803/od_nm/us_russia_fans_odd_1

Crazy!

2009-08-05T23:42:00.001-05:00

http://blogs.app.com/saywhat/2009/08/04/wife-mistresses-ambush-cheating-man-glue-genitals-to-his-stomach/

Dogs are smarter

2009-08-05T23:41:00.000-05:00

http://www.ktla.com/news/landing/ktla-dogs-smarter,0,1159138.story

Engrish

2009-07-29T23:15:00.004-05:00

I just recently visited a country in Asia and realized first hand how complex the language is. After two weeks, I could barely speak necessary words such as how to order more beer and where is the bathroom. All that being said, even though I have much respect for those who can cross the Asian to latin based language barrier, these are still funny!

http://www.weirdasianews.com/2009/07/14/engrish-signs-3/no-nakedlight-engrish/

Worth a watch!

2009-07-29T23:15:00.001-05:00

youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0

The town of Fucking & Randy Rompers

2009-07-29T23:13:00.000-05:00

http://www.topix.net/news/weird/2009/07/cc-tv-to-record-randy-rompers

Women and porn

2009-07-28T00:16:00.000-05:00

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/07/24/o.women.watching.porn/index.html

Guy approaches like a salesman...cheesy!

2009-07-28T00:15:00.000-05:00

http://www.entertonement.com/clips/kgfbklbhfm--no-message

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1911103,00.html?xid=newsletter-weekly

2009-07-21T00:42:00.001-05:00

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1911103,00.html?xid=newsletter-weekly

Adult sex education

2009-07-01T00:31:00.001-05:00

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/06/30/o.adult.sex.education/index.html

Cheating 2.0

2009-06-30T23:59:00.001-05:00

http://www.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,1907542,00.html?xid=newsletter-weekly

Ugly babies

2009-06-30T00:25:00.001-05:00

Read "Survival of the Prettiest" to gain a better perspective...

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1906642,00.html?xid=newsletter-weekly

Sperm anti-oxidant found to smooth wrinkles

2009-06-04T01:00:00.000-05:00

http://blogs.app.com/saywhat/2009/06/03/sperm-anti-oxidant-found-to-smooth-wrinkles/

Ouch!

2009-06-04T00:59:00.001-05:00

http://feeds.bignewsnetwork.com/?sid=507019

Consumers and evolution

2009-05-28T00:48:00.001-05:00

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1900032,00.html?xid=newsletter-weekly

Study finds tall people at top of wages ladder

2009-05-17T01:01:00.001-05:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20090517/lf_afp/lifestylesciencelabouraustralia_20090517044340

Women, this may save your life!

2009-03-24T21:01:00.000-05:00

http://www.tatom.org/documents/CNN.com-StudyNewstudyshows.htm

Best reason to have sex

2009-03-12T21:06:00.001-05:00

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/OnCall/story?id=7037716&page=1

Bikini clad women are objects

2009-02-19T21:45:00.001-06:00

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/02/19/women.bikinis.objects/index.html

Chastity is last

2009-02-18T23:04:00.001-06:00

http://news-releases.uiowa.edu/2009/february/020509study_mate.html

Brains have a love circuit

2009-02-11T23:48:00.001-06:00

Love Circuit

Train wreck

2009-01-16T23:41:00.001-06:00

Daily Nation article

The Truth About Women, Money and Relationships

2009-01-12T14:00:00.001-06:00

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1870066,00.html?xid=newsletter-weekly

Swans

2009-01-04T21:27:00.000-06:00

http://feeds.bignewsnetwork.com/index.php?sid=449360

Funny car ads

2008-12-30T01:52:00.001-06:00

http://blogs.bnet.com/salesmachine/?p=680&tag=nl.rSINGLE

Quote of the day

2008-12-28T01:34:00.002-06:00

LIFE.... is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty & well preserved body, but rather to skid in sidewise, totally worn out & screaming.... HELL YA!!! What a fucking ride!!!

Cycles

2008-12-28T01:08:00.002-06:00

As everyone who has ever had an intimate relationship with a woman for any length of time can attest, you will quickly learn about the female menstrual cycle and the various emotional states that may come and go with it.

A quick primer – the cycle happens on average every 28 days with ovulation usually on the 14th day. The most fertile period during the cycle comes right around ovulation as sperm can live over 72 hours inside the female body. Hormones to promote pregnancy typically happen two days prior to ovulation and lasts normally around 48 hours.

Before the period occurs, many symptoms may occur in the female, varying in intensity from woman to woman, based on genetics, birth control, health, diet, age and other factors. Some of the effects that may occur:
- Breast tenderness and swelling
- Weight gain of a few pounds
- Bloating
- Cramping
- Fatigue
- Mood swings

Such symptoms are usually predictable and occur regularly during the two weeks prior to the period but are usually at their worst starting the 6th day before the period. PMS generally occurs on a regular basis, with susceptible women experiencing the same symptoms on a regular basis.

As a guy, it is advantageous to talk to your girl about her cycle. Is it regular? Does she get moody? Is it painful? Having a better understanding can help you in all of your interactions with her. It should also demonstrate caring and compassion that you are trying to get to know her and understand her better.

When a girl is PMSing, a guy should know how to handle her mood swings if she is susceptible to such. Hugs and kisses can sometimes diffuse arguments or drama during that time instead of heatedly reacting to any spike of emotion from her. Women will appreciate your actions and appreciate you more for being understanding – at least the women in my life have.

Many times, if a girl is acting irrational during when she is PMSing, I will call her on her BS by telling her she is overreacting or being irrational. Some women are fine with this, however with others, I have found that you need to have a conversation regarding her mood swings when she is not PMSing. “Wow, last week you were really moody, were you PMSing?” Get that conversation on the table so that you can bring it up during the moment to ease any irrationality and avoid needless arguments.

Really key is noting her cycle and correlating it to her moods. Most women have a time or two a month when they are really horny. Usually this occurring around ovulation is normal but I have found many women also get really horny right before their period. It varies by girl but I have found it to be fairly consistent for each girl.

If you need help tracking a female’s cycle, there are actually free website to help. Check out www.pmsbuddy.com as one example.

Strategy: So, if you have a girl who was really hot for you at the club or when you are out with her and the next time you see her she suddenly goes cold, correlate it to her monthly cycle and try to contact her again the same time of her cycle a month later.

My philosophy is to never throw away a number. You never know what mood, emotional state or relationship statuts the girl was in when you met her. I will always try again later if I was really attracted to the girl. If I thought our interaction was really intense, I will note what time of the month it happened and try again a month or two later during that same time.

Plant many seeds and with nourishment they will grow.

He's not dumping you because...

2008-12-19T13:17:00.000-06:00

Interesting article....

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/12/18/reasons.you.wont.get.dumped/index.html

Men overspend to attract mates

2008-12-10T11:10:00.001-06:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20081210/sc_livescience/oogaoogamenoverspendtoattractmates

Men are Red, Women are Green

2008-12-08T11:09:00.000-06:00

http://www.wlwt.com/health/18226484/detail.html?rss=cin&psp=irresistible

Wearing red can increase sex appeal

2008-10-28T19:29:00.000-05:00

http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/10/28/red.sex.appeal/index.html

The seven ways to sniff out if your partner is true to you

2008-10-10T16:47:00.001-05:00

http://feeds.bignewsnetwork.com/index.php?sid=416797

To improve your marriage, be quiet

2008-09-29T18:45:00.001-05:00

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/09/26/o.improve.your.marriage/index.html

Science proves exotic cars turn women on

2008-09-05T14:10:00.000-05:00

http://blog.wired.com/cars/2008/09/weve-got-some-b.html

Bet on the net to find true love

2008-08-16T18:35:00.000-05:00

Bet on the net to find true love

Some interesting statistics

Increase your vocabulary

2008-08-06T23:46:00.001-05:00

http://www.turdwords.com/top10.cfm

Fermented fruit + evolution = alcohol consumption

2008-07-29T15:00:00.000-05:00

Boozy tree shrews can drink humans under the table!

Self-deprecating humour best for seducing women

2008-07-28T13:18:00.000-05:00

Self-deprecating humour best for seducing women

Why We Have Affairs — And Why Not to Tell

2008-07-15T20:20:00.001-05:00

http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1820942,00.html?xid=newsletter-weekly

In her 30 years of counseling couples, Mira Kirshenbaum has discerned 17 reasons that people have extramarital affairs. In a near majority of couples, one partner will cheat on the other at some point. In her new book, When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts & Minds of People in Two Relationships (St. Martin's), Kirshenbaum explains the reasons and offers some helpful — and sometimes surprising — advice on how to manage the consequences. TIME senior reporter Andrea Sachs reached Kirshenbaum at her office in Boston:

TIME: Is there a pattern in the way that affairs begin?

Mira Kirshenbaum: People say, "I never meant for this to happen." They're being honest when they say that. Typically, they're in a committed relationship, but they aren't perfectly happy. No one who was perfectly happy in their primary relationship gets into a second one. They're a lot unhappy, or maybe just a little. Maybe they have no plans to cheat. And then the other person somehow floats onto their radar screen. The image that I have is like someone who has been wandering around with a couple of empty wine glasses who suddenly meets someone with a bottle of wine. And so they want a little taste. It starts very innocently. Very slowly they get to know each other. It's often an emotional affair to begin with. Maybe they have long conversations, whatever. However it happens, eventually they realize that they've crossed some sort of line. But they realize it after they've crossed it. And it feels wonderful because it was a line they were hungry to cross. But it also feels terrible because they know it's cheating, and they know they never wanted to be a cheater. But it keeps going. Think about it. If you don't want to divorce, and there are many reasons people don't — for the children, for financial reasons, they don't want the stigma of a divorce — this is a way people cope. They have the illusion that no one will know. If I get a divorce, it's a public act and everyone will know that my marriage failed, that I'm a failure. But if I have an affair, I'm able to pretend that everything's O.K. and no one will get hurt. So they find themselves involved in the two relationships and it looks as though it could work. And the guilt seems manageable. And they're not really thinking about the future. They feel like they've got this wonderful, wonderful present, and it seems to solve all their problems.

TIME: Can that last?

It never lasts. It can't. Being in two relationships is inherently unsustainable. It's like a house of cards. And the longer it keeps going, the more likely it is to come crashing down. And then the pressure mounts and the central structure is that three-way tug of war. The person who is cheating is just trying to keep everything stable, the same, not changing anything. The two other people, the lover and the spouse, are putting pressure on, if the spouse knows about it. If the spouse doesn't, she still is wanting more time, more fun. She puts pressure on anyway.

TIME: Do most people get caught?

Yes. Inevitably there are slip-ups. In the stories I hear, they find a gift in a pocket of a coat and they think it's for them and they're so excited, and then they never get the gift. I mean, it's just heartbreaking. So it all blows up eventually.

TIME: Should you confess if you feel guilty about it?

No. I've got to tell you that this is very, very important. I'm a person who is just an advocate of truth. I really will do anything to tell the truth, so it took me a long time to get to the point where I say, just don't tell. Because how does it make a person less guilty to inflict terrible pain on someone? Which is exactly what the confession does. It puts the other person in a permanent state of hurt and grief and loss of trust and an inability to feel safe, and it doesn't alleviate your guilt. Your relationship is dealt a potentially devastating blow. Honesty is great, but it's an abstract moral principle.... The higher moral principle, I believe, is not hurting people. And when you confess to having an affair, you are hurting someone more than you can ever imagine. So I tell people, if you care that much about honesty, figure out who you want to be with, commit to that relationship and devote the rest of your life to making it the most honest relationship you can. But confessing your affair is the kind of honesty that is unnecessarily destructive. There are two huge exceptions to not telling: if you're having an affair and you haven't practiced safe sex, even if it's only one time, you have to tell. Again, the moral principle is minimizing the hurt. But this time, the greatest risk of hurt comes from inflicting a sexually transmitted disease, and I've never seen a relationship recover from that. You also have to tell if discovery is imminent or likely. If you're going to be found out, then it's better for you to be the one to make the confession first.

Before I did this research, I really thought that affairs were fatal for relationships, but they're not. It all depends on how you deal with it, and that's why I have two sections in the book on how to repair and rebuild and heal the hurts. You need all of that. But if the person who has been cheated on has a talent for forgiveness and the cheater is truly sorry — this is one of the surprising findings — many, many people are able to use the affair as a wake-up call and end up so much happier with a relationship that gives them what they need, instead of just being on automatic and pretending that everything's O.K.

TIME: Do people who decide, during an affair, to leave their marriage often end up staying with the person they cheated with, or is that just a way of getting out of the relationship?

There are 17 reasons people have affairs, and you've just talked about one of them. I call it the Ejector Seat affair. People use the relationship as a way to get out of the marriage. That is a real reason. They're afraid to leave the marriage, and they're hoping that an affair will end things. Either the spouse will kick them out or the lover will give them the courage to quit.

TIME: Let's talk about some of the others. What is the See-If affair?

If your motive is to see if what you've been missing in your marriage can be gotten with someone else, and if so does it make as much of a difference as you thought, then you're in a See-If affair.

TIME: What about the Heating Up Your Marriage affair?

This is subconscious for people. They don't actively say, "I'm going to go and heat up my marriage." But unconsciously they're hoping that either the affair itself or their spouse finding out about it will make things more passionate in the relationship.

TIME: Is that a good strategy?

Well, none of these are great strategies, but you have to assume that there's a hidden wisdom. People are coping. People are doing the best they can. There's something they're hungry for and they're not getting it in life. And an affair is a way for people to try to get what they're needing.

TIME: What about the I Just Needed to Indulge Myself affair?

Look, it may not be noble, but the fact is that some people work so hard and they really don't know how to take care of themselves and give to themselves. And an affair occurs to them as the best way they know how to give themselves some pleasure. You don't really think very highly of someone like that, but there are people like that.

TIME: I'm intrigued by the Let's Kill this Relationship and See if It Comes Back to Life affair. What is that?

This happens unconsciously also. The idea is that once an affair is discovered, it will deliver a blow that will either kill your relationship or make it stronger. And it often does. The sex becomes much more passionate for some people.

TIME: The Having Experiences I Missed Out On affair?

This is true for a lot of women who weren't in many relationships before they got married — men as well — [who] feel there are experiences that are important that they missed out on. And an affair is the best way they can think of to get those experiences.

TIME: Let's take the last one. How about a mid-marriage crisis affair?

Without time and attention, marriages get stale or feel full of problems. They're tired and frustrated with their marriages and not knowing what else to do. You have an affair. It's about the stage the marriage is in. And the way we live today. Everyday life is terrible for love. Love needs time, and time is the air love breathes, and people have no time. On the weekends, they're running around schlepping, doing all kinds of things. And where do you have the time you had when you were falling in love? It just doesn't exist for people anymore.

TIME: What do you say to someone who comes to you and says, "I can't choose; I don't know who to stay with"?

If you want to work with me, O.K., first accept the fact that your view of your lover and your spouse are both skewed. Things always seem great with the lover, it's always so romantic and sexy, special, sporadic and, most of all, new and exciting. But guess what? New gets old. I wish I had a nickel for everyone who married their lover and found they replicated what they had with their spouse, with the added poverty of a post-divorce lifestyle. And in the same way, spouses are usually not as bad as they seem. After all, the person who is cheating is withdrawing energy from their marriage and has alleviated their guilt by bad-mouthing or bad-thinking their spouse. But when people work on their marriage and put the lover by the wayside, they're often very surprised at how much things can improve. Another piece of advice I'd say is, lovers are often little more than the crowbar you needed to get out of your marriage, but you don't need to marry the crowbar. That's a mistake a lot of people make. They feel so guilty, they then marry the person they had the affair with.

TIME: Are you still optimistic about marriage after hearing so many bad stories?

Oh, sure. Just because people have problems doesn't mean they can't solve their problems. It's a terrible way to have to wake up, but I work with so many couples who've gone through all of the stages and come out the other end in a much better place than they ever were, especially if they don't tell. And the problem with telling is that you're then taking all of the time in therapy and in your life where you should be focusing on making the relationship the best it can be. You spend it just talking about the past. [But] no one can change the past.

For anyone as annoyed with yippy, ankle-biter dogs as I am

2008-07-09T20:24:00.001-05:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080710/od_afp/sciencedogsoffbeat_080710003414

PARIS (AFP) - Small dogs, especially dachshunds, are likelier to attack strangers and other dogs compared with pitbulls, rottweilers and other macho breeds, a study published on Wednesday finds.

US researchers sent questionnaires to the owners of 30 breeds of dogs to assess how their pet responded to a variety of common stimuli and situations.

Dachshunds, chihuahuas and Jack Russell terriers topped the list for aggressiveness, while Brittany spaniels, greyhounds and whippets were the most docile.

The study appears in Applied Animal Behaviour Science, a journal published by the Dutch group Elsevier.

What the gay brain looks like

2008-06-23T21:54:00.002-05:00

Interesting article from Time.com

The Gay Brain

LR x 2 - Naked Wii

2008-06-18T00:01:00.001-05:00

OK, I am late to the Wii bandwagon having just got one about a month ago. Unfortunately, I have been so busy since I got it I only played it about 15 minutes the day I got it and then it sat collecting dust (I am not much of a gamer).

About a week ago, I was talking to this girl that I have been well, um, talking to. I met her a long time ago. She was a go-go dancer in a club and I got her number while she was working. She has since quit the club scene and has a professional job. We have been talking forever but our schedules just haven't matched up so our relationship hasn't progressed. As luck would have it, we both had a free night and fortunately, we live very close to each other. We decide to meet up at a bar situated in between us. We both walk over and I greet her with a big hug.

We have a few drinks and catch up with small talk. We have spoke on the phone and text each other many times but have only hung out in person briefly so we have a lot of getting to know each other to do.

After we have caught up, I mention that I have been so busy I haven’t even had a chance to play my new Wii. She has never played one before and wants to so we close out the tab and walk back to my house.

I pour us some wine and start up the Wii. We start playing Wii sports and are having lots of fun picking on each other and trying to distract each other.

I win the first couple of games and start the smack talking. She claims I only won because of luck and swears she will win next time. I challenge her to a bet and ask her what she wants if she wins. She says $20. I say sure but if I win, I get to pick the next game and she HAS to play it. She agrees and we kiss on it.

I win again and my choice for next game is ”strip Wii”. The loser of each game has to remove an item of clothing. She agrees and we continue to play and play and play…..until she is naked. I am still pretty much fully clothed and as she is removing her panties, claims that it is unfair that I still have most of my clothes. I decide to even the odds and quickly remove mine too…..

Jump forward a couple of weeks…. I am IMing a girl late one night who I have met through my social circle. We start flirting with each other via IM when I call her a tease. She claims she isn’t. I challenge her to prove it. She asks how and I say come over so I can kick her butt at Wii.

She shows up 30 minutes later. This girl is a former model and an executive at a Dallas based firm. She is also one of the funniest people I have ever met. I invite her in, give her a big hug and ask if she wants anything to drink. She suggests wine so I pour us both a glass and start up the Wii. I can pretty much repeat the previous experience although instead of playing Wii sports, we mostly played trivia. I won again and she ended up naked. She decided to even the odds and started helping me remove my clothes. We were both naked before we even had our first kiss!

I am not sure how repeatable this is for a tactic but so far, I am 2 for 2. Go Wii!!!

FR: The night of the blow outs

2008-06-17T23:59:00.000-05:00

A few Saturdays ago I went to an outdoor festival with a couple of buddies and several other guys I didn't know. One of my buddies and I had been to the same festival the night before and it was swarming with hotties. Unfortunately, it was so, so, so damn hot this Saturday that no one was out and we only lasted a couple of hours before we couldn't take it anymore.

We left the festival and rolled to a nearby bar to soak up some cool air conditioning and some cold beer. The place was pretty dead but there was a very hot bartender who had a lot of free time on her hands who was waiting on us.

My buddy Vodka seemed to have caught her attention as she kept giving him eye contact over me. I am always willing to help my buddies out so I didn't try and show him up or hit on her and instead, talked about a girlfriend of mine to disqualify myself and complimented Vodka in front of her at every opportunity.

We hung out there for a few hours and before we left, she started mentioning her myspace page. I have several proven strategies for landing hot bartenders and not one of them involves directly hitting on her so I told Vodka to lay low and let me get her information for him.

I asked her for more details regarding her myspace page and she told me how to find it. It was kind of a "soft close" as she didn't tell me her myspace directly but more of the path to find it. Not great but better than nothing....

We close out our tab and head home. I am very worn out from a long week of work, being in the severe heat for several hours and throwing down a few beers at the bar. However, when I got home, I decided instead of chilling that I was going to go out and push myself to try some new experiences.

There is a strip of bars within walking distance of my house which used to be "the place to be" about 5 years ago but has gone downhill since. I haven't checked out this area since I moved into my new place 6 months ago but with my tired / buzzed state, I thought this would be a perfect opportunity so I wouldn't have to drive. However, I knew I would not be bringing my 'A' game since I was so worn out.

I rolled into the first bar which used to be known for very hot chicks. This time however, I was patted down for weapons and required to pay a cover charge not consistent with this area of town. I decide I am out to experiment so I pay the cover and roll in.

The place is dead. D.E.A.D. dead. I see two women who would have been hot 3 kids ago but the rest of the place is mostly thugs. The tattoo on the face and neck kind of thugs…. I quickly finish my beer and bounce to the next place.

I roll into a somewhat bar / somewhat dance club. In the far corner I see a set of twin black girls. They are obviously models or at least they should be. Guy after guy after guy is hitting on them so I have to obviously be different. I notice that they are talking to a group of guys and I decide that the best way to approach is to open the group.

By the way, I haven't mentioned much about my state. Although I am tired and worn out, I am in good spirits and very pimped out. I am wearing a new shirt and jeans I just purchased in LA that has consistently gotten me many compliments and smiles. All that being said, I was rolling solo which although I don't mind, doesn't put me in the strongest state of mind regarding flirting with girls.

I decide I want company or at least a wing so I text a bi-sexual stripper I know who lives just a few blocks away. She texts back that she would love to see me and will join me soon. I tell her to “holler” when she is coming out and I will let her know which bar I am at on the strip.

I watch the twins a bit longer and realize that one of them is very focused on her group of friends and the other is very much interested in watching the crowd. I deduct that the first one must be in a committed relationship and the other is single. Or at least the second one is much more open to being opened.....

I pick an opening line and approach...one of the guys in the group. He opens and I start talking to him and his buddies. I slowly start working the approachable twin into the conversation but she is being reluctant. She is either very standoffish, not interested in me at all or very shy.

Eventually I eject and head to the back section of the bar where I open a few other groups of girls to entertain myself and get myself into the right frame of mind.

After talking to them for a while, I head back to the twins. Since I have already had a conversation with the one, it is no longer cold but now a warm relationship which from my perspective, is much easier to engage. I give her a side hug and talk to her some more. Again she is being very quiet. I tell my ego that she is just very shy (which she appears to be) and although she is one of the hottest girls I have seen in a long time, I lose interest and move on. A blow out.

I roll into another bar that is packed and playing booty shaking music. Just as I walk in, I see this smoking hot girl who looks and is dressed like a porn star. She is fake in every way (lips, boobs, probably more) but still hot even though I am usually not interested in fake girls. I give her a smile and she smiles back. I continue on my journey to the bar and walk past her. As I walk past, she reaches out and grabs my ass. Seriously! I turn back and fake admonish her and then turn around and continue to the bar.

I order a drink and start talking to the cute bartender. She says she needs a shot. I ask what her favorite is and she says Tuaca. Coincidence! That is mine too! She pours us both one and we slam it. I tell her that was good and I would like another one so she pours us both another one and we slam that one. She doesn’t charge me anything but I give her a big tip and make a lap around the place.

I spy a really attractive, girl-next-door kind of girl not far from me. I am more into her than I am into the over-the-top porn star girl. I go direct and open her. She is receptive and we start a conversation. We talk for a while when a guy comes up and puts his arm around her. I ask how they know each other and he says that he is her fiancé. She denies that they are engaged and they get into an argument. I decide that this scene isn’t for me and start to walk away. She grabs my arm and tells me not to go. I hang for a while as they bicker but the vibe is gone for me so I bolt. Another blow out.

I head back to the porn star. I open her with a comment about her grabbing my ass. In hind sight, this was a very lame way to re-open. I should have opened stronger. She now has this attitude, probably because I was unresponsive to her grabbing my ass so her ego is hurt, and she starts being standoffish and bitchy to me. I am sure that I now seem like any one of the 100 guys who have hit on her tonight and I am not in the mood to push through any walls she has up so I eject. Blow out.

I walk back to the bar and do another shot with the bartender. And another. And another. I am now feeling absolutely NO pain and still find the bartender cute so I tell her we should hang sometime. She agrees and I ask for her number. She tells me she can’t give out her number as her boyfriend checks her phone records and oh by the way, she is pregnant but plans to take car e of it soon. Um yeah…. doing shots, has a boyfriend and is pregnant. I want no part of her so I eject.

As I walk into the next bar, I spot this very tiny, very petite, very cute Asian girl with a sexy nose piercing. I am buzzing and feeling more aggressive than normal so I just open her directly with “you’re very cute!”. She responds and starts talking to me but her friends quickly grab her arm and pull her away from me. I didn’t even realize she was with this big group of girls or I would have tried to win them over before getting so involved in conversation with Asian. I also missed a pick up 101 step by not asking who she was at the bar with. Shame on me. Blow out.

I make a lap around this new bar and open some random groups of guys and girls to entertain myself. I am really not feeling this bar so I bolt and go to another one. It is near closing time by this point so this is my last bar of the night. I order a beer and make a lap to check out the scene. It is a dance club and most everyone seems coupled up. Nothing really catches my attention so I finish my beer and decide to head home.

I walk outside and leaning against the wall outside is this cute redhead. She hollers that “I am gorgeous”. I turn and start talking to her. She is not really my type physically so I am toying with her in a flirty way. She is still cute but I normally am attracted to petite girls – (i.e. size 0 or 2) and she is about a size 6. She is not overweight by any means but a little big boned for my normal type. However, at my age, I now value intelligence, values, drive and sense of humor over 100% looks so I give her a chance.

I ask what she has going for her that would make me interested. She said she is an amazing kisser. Um, OK. A make out ensues and yes, she is an amazing kisser. One of the best actually.

We make out for a bit and then I tell her I need to get home. We exchange numbers and then I walk home. As I am walking home, I booty call the bi-sexual stripper who I had text earlier and who lives nearby. She texts back that she is in for the night so I continue heading home. As I am drifting off to sleep on my couch, my phone starts blowing up from the girl I made out with. Below is our text war:

Girl 2:19 am "Hey"

Twitchy: “Hey sexy, what’s up?”

Girl 2:22 am "Come meet up"

Twitchy: “Nah, been a long week. I am in for the night”

Girl 2:26 am "Lame... wanna smooch u"

Twitchy: “LOL! You are too much!”

Girl 2:30 am "Heyyyyyy come over!"

Twitchy: “Too drunk to drive”

Girl 2:31 am "Okkkk....call me tomorrow"

Twitchy: “Will do. Night!”

Girl 2:33 am "OK....Where you be boo?!? I will come to you"

Twitchy: “I live near the bar where we met”

Girl 2:34 am "Where??? I wanna smooch u!"

Twitchy: “You are such a Dork! Go to bed!”

Girl 2:36 am "I love that U call me dork!!!"

Twitchy: “Dork! Dork! Dork! Go take a cold shower!”

Girl 2:37 am "Love it! Let's meet up"

Twitchy: “Do I need to get you some new batteries for your rabbit?”

Girl 3:16 am "Come over...let's meet up"

Twitchy: “No can do. Night”

Girl 3:50 am "Its cool....call me tomorrow. I would love to hang out"

Twitchy: “Sure”

Girl 3:53 am "We went dancing....the boys were crazy....all over me....come see me! I really wanna smooch u!"

Twitchy: “Zzzzz”

Most guys would have of course taken this girl up on her very obvious desire to get laid. However, she wasn’t exactly my type physically, I really didn’t know her, I can and do get laid anytime and I don’t want to ruin my brand of being a successful, fun, selective guy so I turned her down. Right or wrong, I like to think strategically vs. tactically and am currently writing an ebook about this in much more detail.

Although I got blown out by all of the girls I wanted this night, I am now motivated to succeed. No one is successful every time and now it is my mission to dominate this strip of bars near my house.

Lessons learned:
- When there are just a few hot girls out, I need more demonstrate more value or approach more indirectly to avoid seeming like every other guy who is hitting on them. Their “bitch shields” are high.
- A Wing would definitely help
- Remember, getting blown out can be a good thing. It can save you from wasting time with the wrong girl or the girl who thinks you are the wrong guy.

In reality, there are only 6 possible outcomes to any interaction. You have a lot of influence into which outcome occurs:
1 – Become friends
2 – Get blown out immediately
3 - You eject after disqualifying her
4 - Slow burn and fizzle – you end up losing 30 minutes (or more) of your life
5 – You both have attraction which leads to a small close (number, email, myspace, etc)
6 – You both have attraction and escalate - bounce or insta-date

P.s. I am making progress with the hot bartender from the first bar we went to after the festival. As it turns out, she wasn’t into Vodka after all. I connected with her on myspace and after getting approval from Vodka, I got her phone number (my friends come before any random girl). I am progressing this one slowly mostly because I am very busy right now but also to not seem like every other guy who is aggressively hitting on her and thus chase her away. Hopefully there will be more to report later….

Sleep facts

2008-06-17T09:38:00.002-05:00

If you are anything like me, you often find that there are just too many things to do in a day and that all too often, a good night's sleep is sacrificed.

Here is an interesting article from Time about how much sleep you really need.

How much sleep do you really need?

Clothes DO make the man

2008-06-03T16:25:00.000-05:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080603/ap_on_sc/sci_bird_testosterone_1

Judge not, that ye be not judged

2008-05-28T21:17:00.001-05:00

http://www.latimes.com/features/health/la-sci-lead28-2008may28,0,6600780.story

Lead exposure in children linked to violent crime
A study finds that even low levels can permanently damage the brain. The research also shows that exposure is a continuing problem despite efforts to minimize it.
By Thomas H. Maugh II and Marla Cone, Los Angeles Times Staff Writers
May 28, 2008
The first study to follow lead-exposed children from before birth into adulthood has shown that even relatively low levels of lead permanently damage the brain and are linked to higher numbers of arrests, particularly for violent crime.

Earlier studies linking lead to such problems used indirect measures of both lead and criminality, and critics have argued that socioeconomic and other factors may be responsible for the observed effects.

But by measuring blood levels of lead before birth and during the first seven years of life, then correlating the levels with arrest records and brain size, Cincinnati researchers have produced the strongest evidence yet that lead plays a major role in crime.

The researchers also found that lead exposure is a continuing problem despite the efforts of the federal government and cities to minimize exposure.

The average lead levels in the study "unfortunately are still seen in many thousands of children throughout the United States," said Philip J. Landrigan, director of the Center for Children's Health and the Environment at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York.

The link between criminal behavior and lead exposure was found among even the least-contaminated children in the study, who were exposed to amounts of lead similar to what the average U.S. child is exposed to today, said Landrigan, who was not involved in the study.

"People will sometimes say, 'This is in the past. We are cleaning up lead. We don't have lead problems anymore,' " said criminologist Deborah W. Denno of Fordham University in New York, who also was not involved in the study. "The Ohio study says this is still a big problem."

Nationwide, about 310,000 children between the ages of 1 and 5 have blood lead levels above the federal guideline of 10 micrograms per deciliter, and experts suspect that many times that number have lower levels that are still dangerous.

"It is a national disgrace that so many children continue to be exposed at levels known to be neurotoxic," said neurologist David C. Bellinger of Harvard Medical School, who wrote an editorial accompanying the study published in the online journal PLoS Medicine.

Although some urban soil is still contaminated with lead from gasoline, 80% of lead exposure now comes from houses built before 1978. Paint in such houses can contain as much as 50% lead, and even if it has been covered by newer, lead-free paint, it still flakes or rubs off.

About 38 million U.S. homes, 40% of the nation's housing, still contain lead-based paint, according to the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development. The problem is particularly acute in urban areas, which typically have older housing that has not been renovated.

More recently, parents and authorities have become concerned about increasing levels of lead-based paint in toys imported from China.

Researchers have long known that lead exposure reduces IQ by damaging brain cells in children during their early years.

It is also known that lead increases children's distractibility, impulsiveness and restlessness and shortens their attention span, all factors considered precursors of aggressive or violent behavior.

A landmark 1990 paper by Denno linked lead to increases in criminal behavior, but the children in the study were not tested for lead levels. The diagnoses were based on their physicians' evaluation, Denno said.

The Cincinnati lead study enrolled 376 pregnant women in Cincinnati's inner city between 1979 and 1984, measuring their blood lead levels during pregnancy and the children's levels during their first seven years of life.

In the new study, environmental health researcher Kim N. Dietrich of the University of Cincinnati College of Medicine studied 250 of the original group, correlating their lead levels with adult criminal arrest records from Hamilton County, Ohio.

He and his colleagues found that 55% of the subjects (63% of males) had been arrested and that the average was five arrests between the ages of 18 and 24.

The higher the blood lead level at any time in childhood, the greater the likelihood of arrests. "The strongest association was with violent criminal activity -- murder, rape, domestic violence, assault, robbery and possession of weapons," Dietrich said.

Blood lead levels in the children ranged from 4 to 37 micrograms per deciliter.

The researchers found, for example, that every 5-microgram-per-deciliter increase in blood lead levels at age 6 was accompanied by a 50% increase in the incidence of violent crime later in life. Confirming previous findings, the effect of lead was strongest in males, who had an arrest rate 4 1/2 times that of females.

In a related study, spectroscopist Kim M. Cecil of Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center and her colleagues examined a "representative sample" of 157 members of the same group using whole-brain MRI scans. They found that those with the highest blood levels of lead during childhood had the smallest brain volume.

On average, the brains of those in the study were about 1.2% smaller than normal. The most affected regions of the brain were those regulating decision making, impulse control, attention, error detection, task completion and reward-based decision making.

"The most important message is that lead affects brain volume, independent of demographic and social factors that are often used to explain away poor outcomes" in life, Cecil said. "This is independent biological evidence showing that the brain is affected by lead."

More contact juggling

2008-05-27T08:57:00.001-05:00

Contact Juggling

2008-05-27T08:55:00.000-05:00

Online love is often blind

2008-05-22T09:04:00.000-05:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080522/wr_nm/dating_online1_dc_1

Smart women make better mothers

2008-05-20T19:00:00.001-05:00

http://news-releases.uiowa.edu/2008/may/050508marry_mothers.html

5 Principles for Guarding Maiden Chastity

2008-05-08T14:59:00.000-05:00

http://www.weirdasianews.com/2008/05/07/modern-chinese-chastity-motto/

This was me....

2008-05-01T08:41:00.000-05:00

Texting your way to love

2008-04-29T23:43:00.001-05:00

http://current.com/items/88906818_texting_your_way_to_love